>     The New Priest
>
>     A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could
>     hardly speak.  After mass he asked the monsignor how he had
>     done.  The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about
>     getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next
>     to the water glass.  If I start to get nervous, I take a
>     sip."  So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
>     At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a
>     drink.  He proceeded to talk up a storm.  Upon return to his
>     office after mass, he found the following note on his door:
>
>     1.  Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
>
>     2.  There are 10 commandments, not 12.
>
>     3.  There are 12 disciples, not 10.
>
>     4.  Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
>
>     5.  Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
>
>     6.  We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
>
>     7.  The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as
>     Daddy, Junior, and Spook.
>
>     8.  David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
>
>     9.  When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey,
>     don't say he was stoned off his ass.
>
>     10.  We do not refer to the cross as the Big T!
>
>     11.  When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said,
>     "Take this and eat it, for it is my body", he did not say,
>     "Eat me."
>
>     12.  The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the, "Mary with
>     the Cherry".
>
>     13.  The recommended grace before a meal is not:
>     "Rub-A-dub-dub,thanks for the grub, yeah God!"
>
>     14.  Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at
>     St.Peter's, not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.