Here's version 3.0 of The Humorous Compendium of Misheard Song Lyrics:
please help me fill the ???

Keep sending corrections and new misheards to deep@ping.be, we might 
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Send your new entries in the same format to speed up updates:
Song: "<>" by <>:
Actual: "<>"
Heard:  "<>"

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Song:   "Dirty Deeds" by AC/DC:

Actual: "Dirty deeds done dirt cheap"

Heard:  "Dirty jeans in a dumb dirt jeep"

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Song:   "You're Every Woman in the World To Me" by Air Supply:

Heard:  "You're the only woman in the world chim-ney"

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Song:   "Cry for Help" by Rick Astley

Actual: "All that I need is to cry for help."

Heard:  "All that I need is the power of hell."

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Song:   "Takin Care of Business" by Bachman-Turner Overdrive:

Actual: "Takin' care of business"

Heard:  "Takin' care of biscuits "

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Song:   "Flintstones" by the BC-52's: 

Actual: "They're the modern stone age family"

Heard:  "Theyre the lotta-stomach family"

Actual: "Let's ride with the family down the street
         Through the courtesy of Fred's two feet"

Heard:  "Let's ride with the family down the street
         to the good place for our Fred to eat"

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Song:   "Help, Help Me, Rhonda" by The Beach Boys:

Heard:  "Ever since she left
         There've been owls puking in my bed..." 

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Song:   "Sabotage" by The Beastie Boys:

Actual: "Oh my god, it's a mirage.  I'm tellin y'all it's sabotage"

Heard:  "Oh my god, it's Tom Bernard. I'm tellin y'all it's sabotage"

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Song:   "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" by The Beatles:

Actual: "Lucy in the sky with diamonds"

Heard:  "Lookie in the sky, it's Dinah!"
        "Lucy in disguise with diamonds"

Actual: "...the girl with kaleidoscope eyes"

Heard:  "...the girl with colitis goes by"

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Song:   "Hard To Handle" by The Black Crows:

Actual: "...Because your so had to handle now"

Heard:  "...Because the handy man 's here now"

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Song:   "Peace of Mind" by Boston: 

Actual: "All I want is to have some piece of mind" 

Heard:  "All I want is to have a piece of pie"

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Song :  "Margaritaville" by Jimmy Buffett:

Actual: "Looking for my lost shaker of salt"

Heard:  "Looking for my lost chigger and saul"

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Song:   "Forever Man" by Eric Clapton:

Actual: "You could be my forever woman, I could be your forever man..."

Heard:  "You could be my four legged woman, I could be your four legged
man"

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Song:   "Mmm Mmm Mmm MMm" by the Crash Test Dummies:

Actual: "He said that it was from when the cars had smashed so hard"

Heard:  "He said that it was from when the cars had smashed his sword"

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Song:   "Bad moon on the rise" by Creedence Clearwater Revival:

Heard:  "Don't go on the wall
         just walk on down the hall
         There's a bathroom on the right"
 
###

Song:   "Strong Man." by Sheryl Crow:

Actual: "Are you strong enough to be my man?"

Heard:  "Are you long enough to be my man?"

###

Song:   "Karma Chameleon" by Culture Club:

Heard:  "Become A Comedian"

###

Song:   "Don't Pay the Ferryman" by Chris DeBurgh: 

Actual: "Don't pay the ferryman; don't even fix a price." 

Heard:  "Don't pay the ferryman; don't even fix HIM RICE!" 
 
###

Song:   "Smoke On The Water" by Deep Purple:

Actual: "Smoke on the water, fire in the sky."

Heard:  "Slow motion Walter, fire engine guy."
        "Smoke on the water, a fire in disguise."
        "Sbocco nel water" (pronounced: sbokko nel vater)
           (Italian for "I vomit into the w.c.")

###

Song:   "Armageddon It" by Def Leppard: 

Heard:  "I'm an Idiot"

###

Song:   "Pour Some Sugar On Me" by Def Leppard: 

Actual: "Pour some sugar on me,
         come on, fire me up "

Heard:  "Pour some sugar on me,
         come on, fatten me up "

Heard:  "Awesome sugar of love
         In the name of love
         Awesome sugar of love
         Come on tie me up
         Awesome sugar of love
         Oh, I can't get it up"

###

Song:   "I just can't get enough" by Depeche Mode:

Actual: "I just can't get enough"

Heard:  "I just can't get it up"

###

Song:   "Forever in Bluejeans" by Neil Diamond:

Heard:  "REVEREND Bluejeans." 
 
###

Song:   "Walk of Life" by Dire Straits:

Actual: "Do the song about the sweet lovin' woman."

Heard:  "Do the song about the seagull and the woman."

###

Song:   "Alabama Song" by The Doors:

Actual: "Show me the way to the next whiskey bar.
         Oh, don't ask why. Oh, don't ask why."

Heard:  "Show me the way to the next whiskey bar.
         Oh, Donut Squad. Oh, Donut Squad."

###

Song:   " The answer, my friends, is blowing in the wind" by Bob Dylan:

Actual: " The answer, my friends, is blowing in the wind"

Heard:  "The ants are my friends, they're blowing in the wind"

###

Song:   "Desperado" by Eagles:

Heard:  "El Dorado"

###

Song:   "Life in the Fast Lane" by the Eagles:

Actual: "Life in the fast lane"

Heard:  "Flies in the backswing"

###

Song:   "Final Countdown" by Europe:

Heard:  "The Fight of Downtown"

###

Song:   "Leather and Lace" by Fleetwood Mac:

Heard:  "...try not to pee-eee after drowning..."

###

Song:   "Hot Blooded" by Foreigner:

Actual: "Cuz I'm Hot Blooded, check it and see.

Heard:  "Cuz I'm hot blooded, can't get to sleep."

###

Song    "Games Without Frontiers" by Peter Gabriel: 

Actual: "Jeux sans frontieres"

Heard:  "She's so fucked you know"
        "She's so funky now"
        "She's so funkier"
        "She is so popular"

###

Song:   "Mercy St." by Peter Gabriel:

Actual: "He's the priest, he's the doctor, he can handle the shocks" 

Heard:  "He's the priest, he's the doctor, he can handle my socks" 

###

Song:   ??? by Crystal Gayle:

Actual: "Don't it turn you brown eyes blue"    

Heard:  "Donuts turn your brown eyes blue"     

###

Song:   "Invisible Touch" by Genesis:

Actual: "She seems to have that invisible touch, yeah"

Heard:  "She sees the hat and she doesn't wanna touch it"
        "She has an invisible tough shit"

###

Song:   "A heart only knows what it feels" by Vince Gill:

Heard:  "A hardon knows how it feels."

###

Song:   "Hey Jealousy" by the Gin Blossoms:

Heard:  "Hey Chelsea" 

###

Song:   "Rich Girl" by Hall and Oates

Actual: "You can rely on the old man's money"

Heard:  "You can rely on the big bad bunny"

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Song:   "Purple Haze" by Jimi Hendrix:

Actual: "Excuse me, while I kiss the sky."

Heard:  "Excuse me, while I kiss this guy."
        "Excuse me while I piss disguised"

###

Song:   "Eyes without a Face" by Billy Idol:

Heard:  "HOWS ABOUT A DATE."

###

Song:   "Suicide Blonde" by INXS:

Heard:  "Soup and Salad Bar"

###

Song:   "Way down yonder on the Chatahoochie" by Alan Jackson:

Actual: "Way down yonder on the Chatahoochie, 
         it gets hotter than a huchi-coochi."

Heard:  "Way down yonder on the Chatahoochie, 
         it gets hotter than a Jew's jaccuzi."

###

Song:   "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road" by Elton John:

Actual: "You can't plant me in your penthouse."

Heard:  "I can't stand being your penpal."

###

Song:   "Rocket Man" by Elton John:

Actual: "Someone saved my life tonight"

Heard:  "Someone shaved my wife tonight...with Christmas Bells"

###
Song:   "Cold Gin" by Kiss:

Actual: "The girl next door, her lights are out, yeah."

Heard:  "The comic store, her lights are out, yeah."

###

Song:   "Kashmir" by Led Zeppelin:

Actual: "Tryin' to find, tryin' to find where I been." 

Heard:  "Can I buy, can I buy you a beer?
 
###

Song:   "Lightning Crashes" by Live:

Heard:  "I can feel it comin' back again
         Like a roll of thunder chasin' the wind
         Musta Booah if I seem to have a love I guess
         I can feel it..."

###

Song:   "Constant Craving" by K.D. Lang:

Heard:  "Can't Stand Gravy"

###

Song:   "Danger Zone" by Kenny Loggins

Heard:  "Fly me with a chain saw"

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Song:   "Bedtime Stories" by Madonna:

Actual: "When you get to the part where you're breaking my heart.."

Heard:  "When you get to the part where you're breaking my arms.."

###

Song:   "Blinded by the Light" by Manfred Mann's Earth Band:

Actual: "Wrapped up like a deuce, another runner in the night"

Heard:  "Wrapped up like a douche, in a rubber in the night"

###

Song:   "Do-Wa-Diddy" by Manfred Mann's Earth Band:

Actual: "I'm hers, she's mine"

Heard:  "I'm hurt, she's mad"

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Song:   "The Hustle" by Van McCoy:

Actual: "Do the hustle"

Heard:  "Do the hot dog"

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Song:   "Saftey Dance" by Men Without Hats:

Heard:  "Let's save Gdansk." 
 
###

Song:   "Bring me some water" by Eddie Money: 

Heard:  "Fucked that horse in the ass, with my last dying gasp"

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Song:   "Kyrie" by Mr. Mister:

Actual: "Kyrie Eleison down the road that I must travel"

Heard:  "Give me a laser for the road that I must travel"

###

Song:   "Queen of Hearts" by Juice Newton:

Actual: "The joker is the only fool.."

Heard:  "Yogurt is the only food..".  

###
 
Song:   "Heart Shaped Box" by Nirvana:

Actual: "Hey wait, I got a new complaint"

Heard:  "Hey wait, I got a rythm pain"

Actual: "forever in debt to your crisis in life"

Heard:  "forever in debt to your processor time"

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Song:   "Smells like Teen Spirit" by Nirvana: 

Actual: "a denial, a denial, a denial."

Heard:  "bloody die young, bloody die young"

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Song:   "Carribean Queen" by Billy Ocean:

Heard:  "Caribou Queen".

###

Song:   ??? by Offspring:

Actual: "Getting weapons with the greatest of ease"

Heard:  "Giving wedgies with the greatest of ease"

###

Song:   "Glorified Gun" by Pearl Jam:

Actual: "Glorified version of a pellet gun"

Heard:  "Chloroformed sturgeon and a pelican"
        "Four or five surgeons and relic nun"

###

Song :  "Another Brick In The Wall Part II" by Pink Floyd:

Actual: "If you don't eat your meat, you don't get any pudding"

Heard:  "If you don't beat your meat, you don't get any pudding"

###

Song:   "We are spirits in the material world" by The Police:

Heard:  "We are spirits eating our cereal now"

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Song:   "Raspberry Beret" by Prince:

Heard:  "Red spherical ring,"

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Song:   "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen:

Actual: "Beelzebub has a devil put aside for (me)" 

Heard:  "Beelzebub has a devil for a sideboard"

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Song:   "Another one bites the dust" by Queen:

Heard:  "Another one bites the doctor!"

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Song   "Secret Agent Man" by Johnny Rivers:

Heard:  "Secret Asian Man" 

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Song:   "Lucille" by Kenny Rogers:

Actual: "You picked a fine time to leave me, Lucille
         Four hungry children and a crop in the field

Heard:  "You picked a fine time to leave me, Lucille
         Four hundred children and a crop in the field"
        "You picked a fine time to leave me, Lucille
         Four hundred children took a crap in the field"
        "You picked a fine time to leave me, Lucille
         With four hungry chilren a a crotch that wont heal"

Heard:  "You picked a fine time to leave me my dear,
         Two pregnant daughters and a son who's gone queer
         Two smokin' dope, one snorting' coke,
         And you're out here selling your rear,
         You picked a fine time to leave me my dear."

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Song:   "Beast of Burden" by The Rolling Stones:

Actual: "I'll never be your Beast of Burden."  

Heard:  "I'll never eat your Pizza burnin'."

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Song:   "You give me all I need" by The Scorpions:

Heard:  "You get me on my knees"

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Song:   "Scarborough Fair" by Simon & Garfunkel:

Actual: "Are you coming to Scarborough Fair"

Heard:  "Are you going to start an affair?"

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Song:   "1959" by Sister of Mercy:

Heard:  "like a little child, like another gun
         like homeless, restless known to none
         like a way big hunk of lime ..."

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Song:   "I'm On Fire" by Bruce Springsteen:

Actual: "...sometimes it's like someone took a knife baby edgy and dull
         and cut a six inch valley through the middle of my soul."

Heard:  "...sometimes it's like someone took a knife baby edgy and dull
         and cut a six inch belly through the middle of my skull."

###

Song:   "Big ole jet airliner" by Steve Miller Band:

Heard:  "Bagels, jam, and a lighter"
        "Big old Jed had a light on."

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Song:   "Junglelove" Steve Miller Band:

Actual: "Junglelove it's driving me mad..."

Heard:  "Chug-a-lug it's driving me mad..."

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Song:   "Set them free" by Sting:

Actual: "Free free, set them free."

Heard:  "Free free, set elves free."

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Song:   "Come Sail Away." by Styx:

Heard:  "Some stayed awake with me."

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Song:   "Wig Wam Bam" by The Sweet:

Actual: "Hiawatha didn't bother too much"

Heard:  "How you're walking didn't bother too much"

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Song:   "Sign your name across my heart" by Terence Trent D'arby:

Actual: "Sign your name across my heart"

Heard:  "Suddendly you cross my arms"

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Song:   "Africa" by Toto:

Actual: "I bless the rains down in Africa"

Heard:  "I left my brains down in Africa".

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Song:   "The Sea Refuses No River" by Pete Townshend:

Heard:  "The singer abuses no river."

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Song:   "Angel of Harlem" by U2:

Heard:  "Angels have Hard-ons."

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Song:   "Big Girls don't Cry" by Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons:

Actual: "I was cruel,"

Heard:  "I was screwed."

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Song:   "Everytime you go away" by Paul Young:

Actual: "Every time you go away, you take a piece of me with you"

Heard:  "Every time you go away, you take a piece of meat with you"

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Song:   "I Like It Like That" by Frank Zappa:

Actual: "Come on, ...., let me show you where it's at"

Heard:  "Come on, ...., let me show you where I sat"

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Song:   "Bad Company" by ???:

Actual: "Here come the Jesters 1 2 3"

Heard:  "Here come the Jetsons one two three"

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From The Sound of Music:

Heard:  "High on a hill stood a lonely goat turd...."

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Song:   "Walking in a Winter Wonderland" (Christmas Carol)

Actual: "Later on we'll conspire,
         As we dream by the fire."

Heard:  "Later on we'll perspire,
         As we dream by the fire."

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Actual: "I foold around and fell in love"

Heard:  "I screwed around and fell in love".

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Actual: "Undercover angel, midnight fantasy."

Heard:  "Chocolate covered angel, midnight Tennessee"

###