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                       To Compute or Not To Compute
                       ============================
            Transcribed from "Bloom County" by Berke Breathed.
 
 
The words of Oliver Wendell Jones:
 
        "To compute, or not to compute...
         That is the question.
 
        "Whether 'tis nobler in the memory bank
         To suffer the slings and circuits of outrageous functions,
         Or to take up arms against a sea of... transistors.
         Or rather, transponders...   transcondu-...   trans...
         Er..
 
        "Oh, to hack with it."
 
 
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                       First Day on the Job
                      ----------------------
 
     The foreman is talking to the new employee...
 
Foreman:   You're really going to like it here.  Every Thursday the boys
           go to the bar after work and get smashed out of their minds.
 
Rookie:    I don't think I'd like that; I don't drink.
 
Foreman:   Well, every Friday night after work we get together and get
           wasted on a pound of some of the best Columbian!
 
Rookie:    I wouldn't like that either; I don't do drugs.
 
Foreman:   Well, every Saturday evening we go down to the local house-
           of-ill-repute and spend the whole night.
 
Rookie:    I don't think I'd like that either.
 
Foreman:   (suspiciously)  You're not gay, are ya?
 
Rookie:    No.
 
Foreman:   Then you *really* won't like what we do on Sunday night!
 
 
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                              Cursed Baby Crib
                             ------------------
 
    Dick and Jane were expecting their first child, so they went down to
 buy a crib.  After looking at all the different models, they decided on
 one sitting in the  corner with no price tag on it.   So they asked the
 salesman how much it was.   He replied, "You don't want that one,  it's
 cursed.   As soon as you put the baby in it, the baby will die.   Three
 seconds later,   the mother will die.    And three seconds  later,  the
 father will die."  Well,  Dick and Jane  just loved the crib,  and they
 thought the salesman  was merely trying to  jack up the price  or some-
 thing, so, after much haggling, they bought it.
 
    A couple of weeks later,  little  Johnny was born.  They brought him
 home from the hospital.   Jane was  so happy.   Dick proudly watched as
 his wife put Johnny into the crib.   Johnny said, "ack oop",  and died.
 Then Dick  saw his  wife collapse onto  the floor  in a  lifeless heap.
 Terrified, he ran out of the house and killed himself tripping over the
 dead milkman.
 
 
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