GOTHIC PICKUP LINES
                               ABRIDGED VERSION
                                       
Edited by Bob

   This is the short list of gothic pickup lines posted to alt.gothic. The
   long versioncontains commentary and the authors names and addresses.
   Both are available on http://www.dcs.qmw.ac.uk/~bob/goth/
   
      "You remind me of my dead ex-girlfriend."
      
      "Do you think I could borrow that dress/bustier sometime?"
      
      "I found this [lace glove, rosary, etc.] on the floor at the club
      last night, is it yours?  Well, if it's not, I'd like to give it
      to you anyway."
      
      "Is that your boyfriend?  I think you can do better than that!"
      
      "So, are you a catholic?"  (non-goth)
      
      "So, are you a satanist?"  (goth)

      "So, are you a goth?"  (neither)
      
      "How do you get your hair to do that?"
      
      "Can you cut my hair like that?"
      
      "Oh, yeah, [band name] is really great. . . I have all their rare stuff.
      
      You can come over to my place and tape it all if you want."
      
      "You look a lot like. . .[choose one:  Winona Ryder, Siouxsie Sioux,
      Morticia, Elvira, Robert Smith, Edward Scissorhands] "
      To which you should answer:
      "No, actually, he/she/it looks a lot like me."
      
      "I keep all of my most important poems and drawings in    this little
      book.  And I'd like you to have it because they're    mostly about
      you."
      
      "Greetings... [bows deeply, tips hat].  I'm Bob."
      
      "Excuse me, miss?  Hi, I'm doing a scavenger hunt for my fraternity
      rush, and one of the things on my list is a umm....weird chick....
      And if I don't get one soon, they won't let me pledge... So, if
      you're not busy, could you come with me to the rush party tonight??
      I'd really appreciate it."
      
      "What does net.goth mean? Hey, are you, like, into that computer stuff?"
      
      "So, come back to my place, and if you don't like it I swear         
      I'll give you a full refund."
      
      "Hi.  My name is [whatever], and I'm a vampire, but only on alternate
      Wednesdays."
      
      But my favorite of all time had to be when someone walked up
      to me and started singing the "Creepy Girl" song from Mystery
      Science Theater 3000....
      
      "So you're a girl huh?"
      
      "Do you like food?"
      
      "Do you like music?"
      
      "Shhhhhhhhhh...... Don't tell anyone but I'm a vampire. Shhhhhhh.... No
      really. and I'm 4000 years old. Really. but now I live in the valley with
      my
      mom."
      
      "Hey you! You in the black!"
      
      "Wait...... the cure.. right?"
      
      yeah I know the singer.
      
      "I just wanted to tell you I think you dance really well. It's like when
      you are out there it's like you don't care what anybody thinks."
      
      "Are you gay?"
      
      "Don't you hate it when people ask you if you are gay!"
      
      "Remember when this club was cool....?  you know before everyone I used
      to
      hang out with like got jobs or moved out of their parents house?"
      
      "Worship me!"
      
      "What lovely eyes you have... I used to have some
      just like them."
      
      "Aren't you [insert gothic-y singer here]?"
      
      "Didn't I go to your funeral?"
      
      "Pardon me, but my corset has come unlaced.  Could you tighten it for
      me?"
      
      "Have you heard of this band before?" (at shows, or record stores)
      
      "Although you seem content, you also seem quite alone over here.  Can
      I interrupt your reverie?"
      
      "Hi, aren't you [insert any ficticiuos name here]?"
      "Did you know you look just like Clint Ruin (aka Jim Thilwell)?"
      
      "If your cheekbones were any higher they'd need warning lights."
      
      "I'd like to tie you to a rafter and fuck you up and down."
      
      "Would you please come home with me and tie me up..."
          
      "You're mine"
      
      "Blow me if I'm wrong, but you wanna fuck me."
      
      "That's a fabulous black corsett and it goes great with those boots,
      but they would both look better on the floor next to my bed."
      
      "Wanna go for a ride in my porsche?  It's black..."
      
      "Are you here alone or am I going to have to kill someone to win your
      affection?"
      
      "Say something to scare me."
      
      "I wanted to get your name before one of us dies."
      
      "Hi, my name's [insert name], what's yours?
      
      "You're a cadet, right? what the hell are you doing here?
      I didn't know any of you had lifes...."
      
      "Hey, I'm looking for a second girlfriend.  How about you?"
      
      "Know any places to buy Absinthe around here?"
      
      "What's your favorite Baudelaire poem?"
      
      "I bet you don't own a CD player, either."
      
      "Hey, do you know Joe Radio?"
      
      "Hello"
      
      "Didn't I see you here last week?"
      
      "Want a drink? I brewed it myself."
      "You know, I always though you deserved better [than your ex]"
      
      "Do you know how to turn on the lights of a Mercury?"
      
      "Did you know that you have enough tissue on the inside of your
      lungs to wallpaper the entire room?"
      
      "I love your hair, it's black as tires......."
      
      "Should I buy you a beer now, or wait until after we fuck??"
      
      "Would you like to see my vasectomy scar?"
      
      "Didn't we meet in a previous life?"
      
      "Is that blood, or wine that your having?"
      
      "Can I bum a clove?"
      
      "Is that a rat on your shoulder, or are you just glad to see me?"
      
      "Are you male or female???"  (does it matter?)
      "I want to (krunk) you like an animal...."
      
      "Are those [nails/piercings/fangs] real or are they fake?"
      
      "Do you have anything else pierced???"
      (slutty inflection)
      
      "Once you go black, you never come back..."
      
      'Do you want to see my stone collection' ( If you don't have any stones,
      then use your skulls, SM-equipment, eyeliners, poems or Sandman trade
      card)
      
      'I am lost here, will you help me out'
      
      "I fancy your neck."
      
      "That's a nice neck - mind if I bite it??"
      
      "We're going to dance to one song, then go back to my
      apartment and fuck."
      
      "Hey babe, whats with the teardrop thing?"
      
      "By the way, are you 23?"
      
      "Would you mind very much if I burned out your eyes with a laser?"
      
      "Shall we go back to my place and do all the things I'm going to tell
      my friends we did anyway?"
      
      "Roses are red, tulips are not, do you wanna go home with me and fuck?"
      
      "Excuse me, young lady.  Could I ask you, were we tortured and then
      burned at the stake as Agnostic Cathar Heretics by the Spanish
      Inquisition during intimately linked previous lives in the early 12th
      century?"
      
      "I just wanted to tell you I love the way you dance."
      
      "So, are you ever going to talk to me, or were you just going to
      continue to stare?"

      "Hi.  Are you cute?"
      
      "If you swoon at my booted feet, I'll buy you a drink"
      
      "You have the academic look that I lust after."
      
      "Hey, is that a really long black liner in your pocket or do you carry
      your own brand of black current all of the time?"
      
      "What do you think of me? Because I know I want to kiss you right now."
      
      "Are you here alone, or will someone have to retain your
      affections over my dead body?"
      
      "If I don't speak to you now, Tamara will break both of my legs!"
      
      "Hi. I like you. I have money. Come home with me."
      
      "Nice boots, wanna meaningful relationship?"
      
      "You sure move fast for a little boy/girl"
      
      "Go out with me or I'll kill us both."
      
      "You've stolen my heart away. Luckily, I've got another three
      or four in the freezer."
      
      "I can't believe you have a girlfriend/boyfriend you seem so
      complete by yourself.  Plus you seem to intense for anyone to handle,
      except maybe me."
      (This can be followed by an optional "grrrruf")
      
      "Can I have your belt?  It is for my collection..."
      
      "You should  come home with me. We match."
      
      "I'm bored. Entertain me and I'll buy you a beer."

      "I'm bored. Entertain me and I'll buy you a beer."
      
      "Wow.  That outfit must make a lot of noise in the dryer, huh."

      "Hey! You two are pretty hot for a couple of dead chicks!"

      
      "You know, I can still have sex up until the eighth month"
      
      "Tell me, is your heart as cold and black as your eyes?"
      
      "What? Do you want one of us to come over there and bite you or
      something?"
      
      "If I was going to sleep with a heroin addict
      it would definitely be you."
      
      "What do you think of the principles of Sacred Geometry with respect to
      Gothic Architecture?"
      
      "No, no, no... what's your real name?"
      
      Hey, that's a really great costume -- you guys always wear such
      great costumes."
      
      "You remind me of my ex-girlfriend except she isn't dead"
      "Nice shoes...wanna fuck?"
      
      "You be pretty damned good looking if you didn't have that
      ring through your nose" [response: a quick kick to the shins!]
      
      "You would be pretty damn good looking if you weren't a goth"
      
      "What was you're name? [wait for name] you know I sure would
      like to fuck you."
      
      "Nice to meet you.  What say we close this place down and then go
      back to your place?"
      
      "Do you think it's too forward to ask for someone's phone number in a [
      insert odd place here (club or bar might not work)]?
      
      "Hey would you like to dance??"
      
      If it doesn't work reply with:
      "No --  I said you look fat in your pants"
      
      "You better hurry up and take me home."
      Hey, that's a really great costume -- you guys always wear such great
      costumes."
      
      "You have incredible legs... would you mind if I took them home with me?"
      
      "Do you think it's too forward to ask for someone's phone number
      in a insert odd place here (club or bar might not work)?"
      
      "Why don't we get some ice cream and go to your apartment and read
      alt.gothic together....?"
      
      "I can tell you want to do me."
      
      "I don't think that I could get to sleep with an elephant gun slug
      in my chest!  Want to go to a insert appropriate meeting
      place here after this place closes?"
      
      "I thought you loked familiar, are you the singer from Curve?"
      
      "You are such a wonderful person that I'd love to hug you all night
      long."
      
      "You're cute. Mind if I use you so I can impress my friends?"
      
      "Pardon me, but would you mind if I looked down your pants for a sec?"
      
      "You're not really going to get on that bus, are you?"
      
      "I know you have a boyfriend, cause I've seen you with
      him. Anyway, if you spend a day with me, just
      one whole day with me. I promise that you
      won't want to go back to him.
      
      "The DJ is giving a free cd to the first man coming to the booth
      wearing a bra and I couldn't think of another way to start talking to
      you..."
      
      "That coffin looks cool - mind if I fuck you on top of it?"
      
      "Are you neurotic, too?"
      
      "I'm not even drunk and I still think you're beautiful."