> I'm Glad I'm A Man
> 
>      I'm glad I'm a man, you better believe.
> I don't live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese 
> I don't bitch to my girlfriends about the size of my breasts
> I can get where I want to - north, south, east or west
> I don't get wasted after only 2 beers
> and when I do drink I don't end up in tears.
>      I won't spend hours deciding what to wear,
> I spend 5 minutes max fixing my hair
> and I don't go around checking my reflection
> in everything shiny from every direction.
> I don't whine in public and make us leave early
> and when you ask why get all bitter and surly.
>      I'm glad I'm a man, I'm so glad I could sing
> I don't have to sit around waiting for that ring.
> I don't gossip about friends or stab them in the back
> I don't carry our differences into the sack.
> I'll never go psycho and threaten to kill you 
> or think every guy out there's trying to steal you.
> I'm rational, reasonable, and logical too  
> I know what the time is and I know what to do.
>      And I honestly think its a privilege for me
> to have these two balls and stand when I pee
> I live to watch sports and play all sorts of ball
> It's more fun than dealing with women after all
> I won't cry if you figure out it's not going to work
> I won't remain bitter and call you a jerk.
> Feel free to use me for immediate pleasure
> I won't assume it's permanent by any measure.
>      Yes, I'm glad I'm a man, a man you see
> I'm glad I'm not capable of child delivery
> I don't get all bitchy every 28 days
> I'm glad that my gender gets me a much bigger raise
> I'm a man by chance and I'm thankful it's true
> I'm so glad I'm a man and not a woman like you!
> 
> 
> 
> I'm Glad I'm A Woman
> 
>      I'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, yes I am
> I don't live off of Budweiser, beer nuts and Spam
> I don't brag to my buddies about my erections
> I won't drive to Hell before I ask for directions
> I don't get wasted at parties and act like a clown
> and I know how to put the damned toilet seat down!
>      I won't grab your hooters, I won't pinch your butt
> my belt buckle's not hidden beneath my beer gut
> and I don't go around "readjusting" my crotch
> or yell like Tarzan when my head-board gets a notch
> I don't belch in public, I don't scratch my behind
> I'm a woman you see --  I'm just not that kind!
>      I'm glad I'm a woman, I'm so glad I could sing
> I don't have body hair like shag carpeting
> It doesn't grow from my ears or cover my back
> When I lean over you can't see 3 inches of crack
> And what's on my head doesn't leave with my comb
> I'll never buy a toupee to cover my dome
> Or have a few hairs pulled from over the side
> I'm a woman, you know -- I've got far too much pride!
>      And I honestly think its a privilege for me
> to have these two boobs and squat when I pee
> I don't live to play golf and shoot basketball
> I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal
> I won't tell you my wife just does not understand
> stick my hand in my pocket to hide that gold band
> or tell you a story to make you sigh and weep
> then screw you, roll over and fall sound asleep!
>      Yes, I'm glad I'm a woman, a woman you see
> you can forget all about that old penis envy
> I don't long for male bonding, I don't cruise for chicks
> join the Hair Club For Men, or think with my dick
> I'm a woman by chance and I'm thankful it's true
> I'm so glad I'm a woman and not a man like you!
> 
>