>          E N V I R O N M E N T A L I S T    M A N I F E S T O
> 
> 
> The following Eight Point Manifesto has been developed by the
> environmentalists of New Jersey to help maintain the quality of life
> here in the Garden Apartment State. Due to our constant vigilance and
> deep concern, we no longer have problems like the endangerment of the
> Spotted Owl and the Salmon. In fact, we don't have any birds or fish
> to give us problems at all. New residents should memorize this
> Manifesto and put it into practice in their daily lives.
> 
> 
> 1. Litter:      The New Jersey Environmentalist throws it out his car
>                 window, whereupon it becomes someone else's problem.
>                 (And who cares about them, anyway?) After all, you'd
>                 have to _walk_ (EECH!) to get to a trash can. 
> 
> 2. Open Space:  Found inside malls. The really big ones, of course.
>                 Building malls is a good way to conserve space that
>                 would otherwise go to waste in some useless woods or
>                 farm.
> 
> 3. Fresh Air:   Comes from central air conditioning. Best if kept at
>                 64 degrees F or below. It's normal to wear sweaters in
>                 the middle of a heat wave. The New Jersey
>                 Environmentalist keeps all windows tightly closed at
>                 all times, so that the Fresh Air is not contaminated
>                 by anything from The Outdoors (see below.)
> 
> 4. The Outdoors: This is the space you have to _walk_ through (EECH!)
>                 to get from the air-conditioned buildings to the
>                 air-conditioned car. That is, unless the car is in an
>                 air-conditioned parking deck. The true New Jersey
>                 Environmentalist supports the latter, because then
>                 he's always inside in the Fresh Air.
> 
> 5. Plants:      The New Jersey Environmentalist realizes the need for
>                 plants. Plants have two uses, depending on their size.
>                 The little ones are useful for spraying with ChemLawn.
>                 (Make sure your children stay inside in the Fresh Air
>                 after you have done this.) The big ones (i.e. trees)
>                 should be cut down to make room for more strip malls,
>                 to conserve Open Space.
> 
> 6. Energy:      The New Jersey Environmentalist conserves his energy
>                 by driving everywhere he has to go, and many places he
>                 doesn't. Otherwise, he'd have to _walk_ (EECH!) to get
>                 places. It's dangerous walking in The Outdoors,
>                 because there are so many cars there. The bigger your
>                 car is, the better, because there's more Open Space
>                 and Fresh Air inside.
> 
> 7. Recycling:   Why bother? Nobody else does. New Jersey residents
>                 don't want a bottle bill, because it would
>                 inconvenience everybody and result in over six layoffs
>                 in the bottle industry around Glassboro. The New Jersey
>                 Environmentalist recycles his garbage, old tires, and
>                 dead refrigerators by converting them into Litter (see
>                 above). 
> 
> 8. Wetlands:    This usually means the Shore, where they've gotten rid
>                 of a lot of yucky marshes to build beautiful condos
>                 and strip malls. Every Friday, the New Jersey
>                 Environmentalist joins the traffic jam on the way to
>                 the Shore, so that he can have more time in the Fresh
>                 Air inside his car. He does the same thing on Sunday,
>                 but this time in the opposite direction. Once at the
>                 Shore, the New Jersey Environmentalist NEVER goes
>                 Outdoors, since the Freon from the air conditioners has
>                 destroyed the ozone layer and he'd get skin cancer. 
> 
>                 If you must go outside, remember that the proper way to
>                 enjoy the environment is to do so on one square yard
>                 of sand, along with half a million other New Jersey
>                 Environmentalists and their boom boxes. Watch out for
>                 the syringes, and maybe you can collect a few New
>                 Jersey Beach Whistles *.
> 
> * Discarded tampon applicators.
> 
> --
> - Steve "Environmentally Incorrect (for New Jersey)" masticol@cs.rutgers.edu.