The Enlightenment Quiz
The following is a test of your level of enlightnment.  Score one point for 
each correct answer, subtract one point for each wrong answer.  Add your total 
number of right answers to the total number of wrong answers, divide by the 
total number of questions on the test, then meditate on why you've tried to 
follow it this far.

Select the answer which best completes the following statements:

1.   Yin and .........     
A) Yout   B) Tonic   C) Yenta    D) Yang

2.   A Zen koan is ........      
 A) Jewish Buddhist  B) All of the above   C) None of the above  D) One of the 
above
    
3.   Just before total God-realization I would see.......     
A) A blue pearl   B) Nothing   C) Everything   D) How would I know?

4)   Lao-Tsu is.......     
A) Shrimp with fried rice   B) The Atman Brothers  C) A Japanese word for 
sneeze      
D) One of the above

5)   Jivatman and Atman merge to become.......    
 A) Jivatmanatman      B) The Atman Brothers    C) Jivatman & Atman Inc.  D) Mr 
& Mrs Atman

6)   The word or words which best describes the relationship of God, Guru and 
Self is.......    
 A) Oneness     B) Twoness     C) Penpalness  D) Just good friends

7)   Which of the following is not a name of the Lord?     
A) Jehova   B) Elohim   C) Yahweh   D) Charlton Heston

8)   If you swap a Swami with a Yogi you get.......     
A) A Swogi    B) A Salami   C) Yogurt   D) Heartburn

9)   Carlos Castaneda is:     
A) a flamenco dancer   B) A resort near San Juan     C) The gutarist for 
Santana        
D) The 2nd baseman for the LA Dodgers

10)  OM Mani Padme OM means:    
A) O manny, pardon my home  B) "Money talks, nobody walks" in Sanskrit   
C) If u cn rd ths msg u cn gt a gd jb  D) Never having to say you're 
sorry       

11) The sound of one hand clapping is:    
A) Very quiet     B) similar to smiling with one lip    C) A Zen record 
shop     
D) Like the "p" in swimming

12) Linguine is to fettucine as kundalini is to :    
A) Eenie meenie      B) Halloweenie    C) Harry Houdini    D) Pepto Bismol 
(this is a silly answer)

13) The Tao Te Ching is:    
A) The new premier of China    B) A new record by Cheech and Chong    
C) I Ching's older brother     D) A massage parlor in Tokyo

14) You arrive at a party and your host says, "Far out, I want to take the 
responsibility for creating space
in your universe so you can experience your experience." He means:    

A) "Have a good time"     B) "Don't eat the Swedish meatballs"   
C) "I just completed EST training" D) Nothing anyone would understand



Problem Solving

15) If three devotees can meditate for a total of nine hours, how many devotees 
would it take to mow the lawn?

16) If three devotees can mow the lawn in one hour, how many stoned devotees 
would it take to meditate until nobody cared?

17) If shakti was rising toward the fourth chakra at a rate of 3.5 pranayamas 
per second, and at the same time 
an energy force was traveling in the opposite direction at a rate of 4.8 
pranayamas per second, what time would it be in Chicago if we woke up in Los 
Angles?

True-False

_______Ramakrishna is a cereal made with rice and maple flavoring.
_______Satori is better than nirvana and samadhi except on weekends and 
holidays.
_______Sufi dancing is like square dancing only rounder.
_______The Tibetan Book of the Dead is a novel by Harold Robbins.


Score

0-5 points:   You are hopelessly attached to the wheel of life and death. Try 
again next incarnation!
6-10 points   You are largely unconscious and stuck in worldly pleasures
10-15 points  You are so-so on the enlightment scale. Keep reading the new Sun.
15-20 points  You are a very conscious being; with a little good karma you 
could go a long way.
20-25 points  You are very close to God-realization--early November at the 
latest.