DUCKMAN:
And when you think about it, isn't that exactly the point?
(they stare at him, he looks back at them uncomfortably, back and forth)
Parking.
(they nod, understanding)
And driving.  And shopping.  And eating.  And working.  Somewhere,
somehow, they're different now, none of 'am are the same, they all got
chewed up and spit back out, and they don't taste like living anymore! 
Don't you see what it's like in this deranged Waring Blender of a world?! 
Every day is an agonizing ordeal, like balancing a pot of scalding water
on your head while people whip your legs and butt...
(smiles)
You never forget your senior prom...
(back to anger)
YOU think I'm "sick"?! Well the only disease I've got is "Modern Life," a
schnutbusting gauntlet of inefficiency and misery that's one long parade
of let-downs, put-downs, trickle downs, shutouts, freezeouts, sell-outs,
numnuts, nincompoops and nimrods, all making every day as much fun as
waxing a flaming Pontiac with your tongue, where even if you do luck into
the possibility of some fleeting pleasure, like, say, if some nymphomaniac
telephone operators with the muscle control of Rumanian mat-slappers agree
to a little Strip Air Hockey, it'll be over before it starts 'cuz some
vowel-lacking, feta-reeking cab-jockey slams his Checker up your hatchback
and the cab is owned by some pinata spanker from a Santeria cult in
Xoacalpa who starts shaking chicken bones at you and gives you a boil on
your neck so big all it needs is Michael Jordan's autograph to make it
complete, and even with all this, with ALL THIS, I still drag my sorry
butt off the Sealy every morning and stick my face in the reaping machine
for one more day, knowing when it's time to flash the cosmic card key at
those Pearly Gates, I won't be in the coffin anyway 'cuz some underhanded
undertaker sold my heart, pancreas and other assorted Good 'N' Plenty to
that same Santeria cult so does anybody really wonder why anybody is
hanging onto sanity by the atoms on the tips of their fingernails while
Life dirty-dances on their digits, and is it really any wonder that I seem
DERANGED???!!"
(off their stunned looks)
But...heh-heb... that's probably nothing you haven't heard a hundred times
before...