Newsgroups: alt.quotations
From: ae606@FreeNet.Carleton.CA (Victoria Edwards)
 
Why did the chicken cross the road?
***************************************

Answers from some famous and common people :
 
Aristotle:  To actualize its potential.
Roland Barthes: The chicken wanted to expose the myth of the road.
Buddha:  If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.
Caesar:  To come, to see, to conquer.
Candide:  To cultivate its garden.
Joseph Conrad:  Mistah Chicken, he dead.
Salvador Dali:  Fish.
Darwin:  It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
Thomas Dequincy:  Because it ran out of opium.
Jacques Derrida:  What is the *difference*?  The chicken was merely
 deferring from one side of the road to other. And how do we get the idea
 of the chicken in the first place?  Does it exist outside of language?
Rene Descartes:  It had sufficient reason to believe it was dreaming anyway.
Emily Dickinson:  Because it could not stop for death.
Bob Dylan:  How many roads must one chicken cross?
T.S. Eliot:  Weialala leia / Wallala leialala.
T.S. Eliot (revisited):  Do I dare to cross the road?
Ralph Waldo Emerson:  It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
Epicurus:  For fun.
Paul Erdos:  It was forced to do so by the chicken-hole principle.
Pierre de Fermat:  I just don't have room here to give the full explanation.
Michel Foucault:  It did so because the dicourse of crossing the road left
 it no choice; the police state was oppressing it.
Sigmund Freud:  The chicken was obviously female and obviously interpreted
 the pole on which the crosswalk sign was mounted as a phallic symbol of
 which she was envious, selbstverstaendlich.
Robert Frost:  To cross the road less traveled by.
Johann Friedrich von Goethe:  The eternal hen-principle made it do it.
Ernest Hemingway:  To die.  In the rain.
David Hume:  Out of custom and habit.
James Joyce:  Once upon a time, a nicens little chicken named baby tuckoo
 crossed the road and met a moocow coming down...
James Joyce:  To forge in the smithy of its soul the uncreated conscience
 of its race.
Immanuel Kant:  Because it was a duty.
Jacques Lacan:  Because of its desire for *object a*.
Gottfried Von Leibniz:  In this best possible world, the road was made for
 it to cross.
H. P. Lovecraft:  To escape the eldritch, cthonic, rugose, polypous,
 indescribably horrible abomination not from our space-time continuum.
Paul de Man:  The chicken did not really cross the road because one side
 and the other are not really opposites in the first place.
Karl Marx:  To escape the bourgeois middle-class struggle.
Gregor Mendel:  To get various strains of roads.
John Milton:  To justify the ways of God to men.
Moses:  Know ye that it is unclean to eat the chicken that has crossed the
 road, and that the chicken that crosseth the road doth so for its own
 preservation.
Newton:  Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest.  Chickens in motion tend to
 cross the road.
Camille Paglia:  It was drawn by the subconscious chthonian power of the
 feminine which men can never understand, to cross the road and focus
 itself on its task.  Hens are not capable of doing this-their minds do not
 work that way.  Feminism tries vainly to pretend there is no real
 difference between them, falsely following Rousseau.  But de Sade has
 proved.
Thomas Paine:  Out of common sense.
Wolfgang Pauli:  There already was a chicken on the other side of the road.
Pyrrho the Skeptic:  What road?
J. Danforth Quayle:  Ite sawe ae potatoee.
George Friedrich Riemann:  The answer appears in Dirichlet's lectures.
Carl Rodgers: Why do _you_ think the chicken crossed the road?
The Sphinx:  You tell me.
Margaret Thatcher:  There was no alternative.
Dylan Thomas:  To not go (sic) gentle into that good night.
Henry David Thoreau:  To live deliberately. And suck all the marrow out
 of life.
Mark Twain:  The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
Walt Whitman:  To cluck the song of itself.
William Wordsworth:  To have something to recollect in tranquility.

And these are mine:
     Levi Straus: To keep his pants up.
     Wrongway Peachfuzz: To get to the same side.
     Sir Edmund Hillary: Because it was there.