>  APPLICANT SPEAK
> 
>  ===============================
> 
> 
> 
>  "I KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH STRESSFUL SITUATIONS:" I'm usually on Prozac.
>  When
> I'm not, I take lots of cigarette and coffee breaks.
> 
>  "I SEEK A JOB THAT WILL DRAW UPON MY STRONG COMMUNICATION & ORGANIZATIONAL
> SKILLS:" I talk too much and like to tell other people what to do.
> 
>  "I'M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION:" I've used
> Microsoft Office.
> 
>  "I'M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE:" I pilfer office supplies.
> 
>  "MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES:" I hope you don't ask me about all
> the Mc Jobs I've had.
> 
>  "I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK:" I blame others for my mistakes.
> 
>  "I'M BALANCED AND CENTERED:" I'll keep crystals at my desk and do Tai Chi
> in
> the lunch room.
> 
>  "I HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR:" I know a lot of corny, old jokes and I tell them
> badly.
> 
>  "I'M PERSONABLE:" I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.
> 
>  "I'M WILLING TO RELOCATE:" As I leave San Quentin, anywhere's better.
> 
>  "I'M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL:" I carry a Day-Timer.
> 
>  "MY BACKGROUND AND SKILLS MATCH YOUR REQUIREMENTS:" You're probably looking
> for someone more experienced.
> 
>  "I AM ADAPTABLE:" I've changed jobs a lot.
> 
>  "I AM ON THE GO:" I'm never at my desk.
> 
> "I'M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED:" The minute I find a better job, I'm outta
> here.
> 
>  "I HAVE FORMAL TRAINING:" I'm a college drop-out.
> 
>  "I INTERACT WELL WITH CO-WORKERS:" I've been accused of sexual harassment.
> 
>  "THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME AND CONSIDERATION:" Wait!  Don't throw me out!
> 
>  "I LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU SOON:" Like, I'm gonna hold my breath
> waiting for your stupid form letter thanking me "for my interest and wishing
> me luck in my future career.
>